There are times where we find ourselves in a committed relationship, and other times where we are single and simply doing our own thing. There are other instances where we are in the “single but looking” phase, hoping to meet an intriguing and compatible love interest. For the purpose of this discussion, we will dive into the times in our lives where we are truly single, on our own, and not looking for love.
When we are children, we are surrounded by family and friends. As we grow and age, we start to become interested in having a loving relationship with someone else. During this phase in our life, we are single and looking for someone to love. When we meet a compatible mate, then we elevate the relationship in stages from dating, to engagement, to marriage (in the traditional process). Sometimes we get into a relationship, only to discover that it was not an appropriate relationship for us. We go from being in a committed union to being single again. This transitionary phase can be complicated based on whether we ended the relationship, or our partner did. We may experience a whirlwind of emotions during this phase as well. Sometimes we want to run back to our ex, out of the security and familiarity that relationship offered to us…this despite the fact that it was not a good/healthy union. So, the periods between the end of one relationship and the start of another one can be somewhat tumultuous for us mentally, emotionally, physically, and even energetically. In these periods, which can range in duration, we are single.
Being single can be perceived as a lonely state to be in. We have glamorized the idea that a loving couple is where happiness can be found. This perception assumes that being single is a lonely and much less happy condition to live in. However, many single individuals are single by choice rather than circumstance. Yes, there are single people who would like to get into a relationship sometime in the future. There are also single individuals who are happy being just as they are, single. They don’t focus any of their mental, emotional, nor physical energies on finding a relationship. These individuals are in tune with the relationship that resides within themselves. The relationship between their own body and living energy (aka soul).
When we are born, we are born with those two main parts, our physical body and our life-giving energy. Thus, we are never truly alone. Even when we are in a room without anyone else in there with us, we still have two beings in that room…our physical self and our living self. These are the two parts of us that people claim should spend more time together in silence, meditating, being mindful, and feeling present. Interestingly, most of us spend a great deal of energy keeping these two parts of ourselves separated and distracted. We’d rather watch tv, talk on the phone, text, read, or scroll social media instead of sitting silently with the two parts of ourselves. It’s somewhat unclear why we avoid allowing the two parts of ourselves to come together for bonding and connecting time, but we do. Granting our mind the time and silence to connect with our living being for a “discussion” helps us untangle many of our mental and emotional blockages. If our soul feels sadness or grief, then our body can allow these energetic emotions to balance themselves out by releasing tears. There is a marvelous science in tears. They are shed out of joy, excitement, sadness, grief, anger, and a plethora of other emotions. Tears are the body’s way of balancing the chemistry within from the soul’s feelings/energies. It allows the soul and the body to come back into a state of equilibrium. That’s why we usually feel better after a good cry.
Many people who have discovered this enlightening truth, have also found that being alone is liberating and somewhat addicting. They purposely find time to be with themselves, shutting out the noise of the world around them. Single people get used to the inner relationship with themselves. They enjoy being able to make decisions on their own, and to have the freedom to do what and go where they please without having to touch base with someone else. It is sometimes difficult for people who have been single for extended periods of time to come together with another person. Starting a new relationship after being single for so long can, at first, seem clunky and awkward. However, people are very adaptable creatures and can find a way to get back into the swing of a relationship dynamic. It just takes time and patience.
If you are a single person and want a relationship but fear that you may not be cut out for one anymore, then rest assured that with a very patient partner you will be able to merge into a relationship again. If you are the one who is attempting to date and start a relationship with someone who has been single for quite some time, then practice patience. Give the person time to adjust from having to do everything on their own, to having to do those same things with someone else. You must earn their trust, respect, and love and that takes time and patience.
For those who are single and do not want to enter into any relationships, then the advice for you is to guard yourself against becoming too secluded and hermit-like. Be careful not to become too addicted to being alone with yourself. At the very least go out from time to time with your family, friends, or colleagues. Healthy interactions with other people are necessary for healthy living and longevity. Find a good balance between the time you spend with yourself, and the time you spend with others.
It is also important for you to guard yourself from the wishes and expectations of others. Often our family, friends, colleagues, and other well-wishers will start to pressure us to think about getting into a new relationship when they witness someone they love be single for a period of time. Though their intentions are honorable, they should not force feed their desires into someone else. If you are content being single, then do not allow others to influence your choice on remaining single. You are fully capable of deciding whether you want to get into a relationship. Ultimately, this is your life to live, and you can experience it however you wish to.
Being in between relationships is not the only common time that we find ourselves single. There are couples where one spouse passes away, and the other suddenly finds themselves alone as a widow. Single parents whose children have grown and moved out may discover that they are now living the completely single life again. There are plenty of other instances in the course of our life that we will find ourselves single and on our own. It is during those phases of our life that we must recalibrate our living energies and find endurance to move on to other interactions and experiences. Similar to the Disney Pixar movie Up, where Carl lost his beloved Ellie and decided to create new memories through exciting adventures with Russell and the rest of the gang. Life is a string of adventures and experiences, make sure to live yours to the fullest…whether single or committed!
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