Many of us have been advised to “take care to not burn bridges” since we never know who we will meet again along the path of our life. This message is not literally talking about taking a match and burning anyone or anything physically. Rather it speaks to figuratively severing any and all links that may lead you back to a person/place or them back to you. This normally is related to a work situation, in which you are quitting a job or your employer dismisses you from a job. In either example, we are asked not to burn our bridges because we may need that employer as a reference in the future or may need to apply at that same company again sometime in our career. It boils down to managing relationships and keeping them as peaceful as possible, even under undesirable circumstances. We should be careful to maintain our own connections, reputation, and dignity.
There are instances that burning bridges may be to our advantage. Again, not literally setting fire to anyone or anything, but to prevent ourselves from ever going back for any reason. For example, if we found ourselves in a toxic dynamic with another individual or group of people, then it would be wise to burn the bridge to ensure that we don’t grant ourselves an avenue on which to allow these toxic folks back into our life. Often, the people that we should burn bridges with are the ones that we desperately avoid severing ties with. We have to learn to protect ourselves from toxic people and situations. If we don’t protect ourselves from them, then who will? We must find the strength and courage to burn those bridges permanently, so that we are not tempted to go back later. We can’t play yo-yo, with a yo-yo that has no string. In these toxic dynamics, we essentially remove the string or “burn the bridge.”
How do you know which bridges to burn and which to manage strategically? Well, it comes down to your life and well-being. Experiences that are toxic and unhealthy should be a clear sign that it is ok for you to burn those bridges. Regardless of whether we are discussing a job, relationship, or other interactions. If the situation is toxic or unhealthy for you, then it’s time to release it.
In the instance that a situation held an undesirable dynamic within it, like working for a place in which you were miserable and decided to quit, then it is best to manage the bridge rather than burn it altogether. In order to manage the bridge, you need to ensure that your integrity, dignity, and reputation are held in high regard. That means you have to take the (more challenging) high road, and “play nice.” Do what you need to do to remove yourself from the undesirable situation and do it in a respectful and responsible manner. The bridge of connection will remain so that if you need to use it for any reason in the future, it will be there for you to do so.
All in all, there reaches a point in each of our lives when we need to determine whether an experience is healthy and beneficial or unhealthy and draining. Then we need to determine which pathways we never need to experience again, and which ones we may need to refer back to sometime down the line in our lifetime. From there, we can make the more logical decision on which paths to permanently block and which paths to keep open for us to potentially travel again. Use your heart, mind, body, and living energy (gut/intuition) to help you decide. Simple yet complicated!