Human beings need love to thrive in life. In fact, studies of people who live to be over 100 years of age show that having loving and connected relationships is a main factor in longevity. These individuals have family and friends who make them feel not only loved but needed as well. Feeling needed plays such a vital role in people choosing to “hold on” and continue to live. The opposite also holds true, people who feel unloved and unnecessary might end up giving up on life and pass away younger than they may have if they had love and purpose in their life.
Our relationships change over the course of time. The dynamic with our parents evolves from when we are infants to when we become adults. In intimate relationships, our union may progress from feeling giddy and excited to see our partner to comfortable and indifferent once we’ve been with them for many years. Friends come and go from our life. Certain friendships run deep and last the test of time, while others are more surface level and fade for one reason or another. Even our relationships with people at work change from when we first start our new role to when we leave the company for another role or retire. Our connection with our pets is yet another example of how relationships evolve over time. For example, when we get a new puppy, we may be excited and strive to train our new pet. As time progresses, we may become a caregiver to that dog as it nears the end of its life, taking it to the veterinarian frequently and giving it necessary treatments.
A significant portion of our life is founded on the various relationships that we experience. The deeper our soul connects with another person, the more we may feel love for that individual. It doesn’t matter if they are related to us by blood or not. As we form loving relationships with others, we cherish these people. We may even become very attached to those who we love. When two people choose to love one another, those bonds are incredibly special, almost sacred. We grow to want and need these people, and they feel the same about us.
Loving relationships are valued by humans. We measure a successful marriage by how many years the individuals have been married or together. Friendships may be measured by how long the two individuals have been friends. Time tends to be the popular metric for loving relationships. However, sometimes time is not the best metric for relationships. Love may be a better metric for relationships. How deeply are we connected to other individuals? How supportive and accepting are these relationships? Do we feel safe to be our authentic self in the unions? If mistakes are made, do our relationships offer forgiveness and grace? Is gentle patience practiced and open communication? Some of these other factors may be meaningful to measure the success of a relationship outside of simply time/duration.
As the dynamics in relationships change over time, we may discover that our connection with others fades. We may have grown apart. Life may have caused our bond to fade or dissolve all together. Perhaps as we grow as individuals, we discover that we no longer have things in common as we once did. There are a variety of reasons why relationships change. Some relationships grow deeper and stronger, while others simply wean themselves out of our life or become distanced. Then there are the relationships that change in a rather drastic way, and occasionally these can become harmful or toxic to us. Often these unhealthy relationships naturally end, either by us or the other individual. There are occasions, however, where we stay connected to someone because we love them even though they are harmful to our emotional, mental, and/or physical health. In these situations, it is ok to let love go.
The process of letting love go can be very difficult. We may fear being alone or not having a support system. We may depend on others for companionship and security. The very reasons we choose to stay in unhealthy relationships are often the same reasons to get out of them. If we find ourselves in loveless unions, it is time to let it go. When we feel worthless and insecure in a relationship, it is time to let it go. If our friend, partner, or family member rejects or abandons us, it is time to let them go. Whatever the negative behavior or emotion is, it is ok to let love go. We don’t need permission from others, we simply need our own permission to remove ourselves from the relationship.
Remember, life is about cramming in as many experiences as possible before we die. There are many categories of experiences that we will have including career, housing, transportation, travel, relationships, and health. Allowing yourself the ability to experience new relationships is crucial, as is granting yourself permission to leave behind relationships that have run their course and served their time. The saying “been there, done that” can be applied to relationships. Once we’ve experienced a relationship in its entirety, it is ok to leave it behind. Likewise, it is equally important to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to meet new people and establish new relationships that may be healthy and grounded. In a sense, relationships may be similar to a revolving door. People are consistently entering and exiting our life.
Sometimes we love people and expect them to remain in our life for an extended period of time, but they exit anyway. Our loved ones may pass away. Lovers and spouses may decide that they no longer wish to experience our relationship, and they choose to leave or divorce us. Pets sometimes run away, pass away, or get lost somewhere never to return. Friends may get upset with us and end the friendship. Whatever the reason, certain relationships come to an end. Some relationships that fade or end may be rekindled later in life, while others will be gone permanently.
The ending of a relationship may bring about a variety of emotions from relief to grief. There once was a lady who was married to a man for many years. They had several children together. The lady felt a sense of relief when her husband suddenly passed away from a heart attack, not because she didn’t love him, but because his abuse would stop. He used to abuse her in various ways, and this abuse came to an end upon his passing. Another example is a daughter who grew up with her mom. Her mother was raising her as a single mom, since the girl’s father was remarried and far removed from them. The loving bond between the daughter and her mother was deep. When her mother passed away, the daughter fell into a deep state of grief. A spectrum of emotions may be felt as relationships evolve and come to a close.
Whether death, divorce, relocation, or some other cause led to the end of a relationship in your life, remember that it is ok to let love go. Releasing the other individual like a feather to the wind, allows both you and them to move forward and experience something or someone new. Endings of relationships are their own type of death, even if all the individuals involved continue to live. It is the dissolution of the bond, connection, and union that feels like a death. Letting love go can be a healing and rejuvenating experience in and of itself. It is important for us to feel a sense of gratitude for having experienced particular relationships, and when necessary, forgiving people for our own benefit. Forgiving others and letting love go frees us, and them, to move on into the future peacefully. There is room for growth from having had the experience. Never be afraid to let love go when it is time and necessary for your own soul.